Queen Bee Blog

How to Keep your Landing Gear in Tip-Top Condition

A bum that isn’t properly cared for is a total bummer. And because of that sad fact, Cottonelle has asked me to share a bit of my hard-won wisdom about the bee-hind. Like your mum told you, it’s best to keep your landing gear clean at all times. You never know when you may be making an emergency landing at a five-star hotel, skinny dipping in Bali or bum-rushing that guy you met on Tinder. So don’t let your buttocks go to bollocks. Follow these tips and it’ll be buff and beautifully bare-able whatever the occasion.

Brush Off Cellulite. Various gimmicks, vibrating gadgets and creams promise to destroy unwanted dimples, but I see a lot of bottoms everyday and can assure you that clever marketing and airbrushed models are what sell this fluff. Let’s face it: diet and exercise are the reigning winners in the battle against cellulite and unwanted bulges. However, there is another cheap and easy method that visibly improves the appearance of cellulite, while also helping to keep the rest of your body, particularly your bum, buff.

Dry brushing! Using a jute dry brush every day for 10 minutes to stimulate your skin helps enormously with lymphatic drainage and the sloughing off of dead skin. Start at your bum (or your feet, if you want full body action) and brush briskly toward the heart. Results vary, but if you make this a part of your daily routine, I know you’ll see an improvement.

Battle Bumps. Let’s talk about Folliculitus: it’s a bacterial infection meaning “inflammation of the follicles” but most of us just know it as those little white bumps. I see it a lot on clients who like to sweat! Spinning, hiking, running, shaving, spending too much time in super skinny jeans… these are all causes. Folliculitis is not your friend. It can be itchy and unsightly, and when it’s not taken care of properly, it can spread to other parts of the body. Prevent this from happening by showering with an antibacterial soap immediately after an intense workout. If you don’t have time to shower, keep a pack of Cottonelle Flushable Cleansing Cloths in your gym bag. Use one wipe on the inside of your bottom; then get a fresh one for your inner thighs and wipe dry with Cottonelle toilet paper.  Talk about fresh on-the-go!

That Thong is Wrong! My waxologists and I see the slow breakdown of your landing gear every day. Wearing a thong (especially a lacy one) on the daily can create tiny cracks called fissures inside your buttocks and close to your lady bits. If you don’t clean your tushie correctly after the loo or a workout, bacteria can enter these tiny portals and lead to all sorts of troubles! Your bum already has one crack; it does not need more! Give yourself a soft landing pad by wearing seamless undies throughout the day – and saving those frilly thongs for special occasions.

There’s No Such Thing As Too Fresh. Sandy Bum is not a small seaside town on the coast of England, nor is it the name of one of the Queen’s many nieces. It is that wretched moment when you leave the beach and you realize your landing gear is loaded with sand.  There are one or two things you can’t leave home without, especially if, after your beach day, you are going straight out to a bar or to a romantic rendezvous: One is a travel-sized pot of cornstarch talc, and the other is a handy travel pack of wet wipes (flushable, please – and yes, Cottonelle’s feature SafeFlush technology). Powder your bum and gritty bits with a light dusting of talc and lightly sweep away the sand with your fingers or a towel. This is a miraculous method of removing sand from your skin without scrubbing it off in the shower. After you’ve removed the sand, gently cleanse your skin with a Cottonelle Flushable Cleansing Cloth to remove all traces of leftover powder. And remember what your mummy taught you: it’s front to back, ladies.